The Eve of Graduation

Tomorrow, I graduate from high school.

What a crazy statement to be able to write. Tomorrow, I'm going to be able to call myself an alumni of something. I wonder what freshman-year Natalie would have thought.  Graduating on a tiny island with a class I really don't know is so different from the small town I grew up in. There were kids that I went to preschool with that I would have graduated with. I wish I had been able to do so.

To be honest,  I think high school graduation has more significance to parents than students. Yes, graduating high school is an accomplishment... I guess. In this day and age in which having a bachelor's degree gets you an interview, not a job, a high school diploma doesn't really matter. It's not that hard to graduate from high school in the environment I live in. In many places, graduating from high school is in fact an achievement. But here in Singapore, if you don't graduate from high school, something is seriously wrong with you.

Here in Singapore, at least in expat-land Singapore, the accomplishment goes to the parents. The parents, who have managed to transplant their lives who knows how many times. The parents, who have managed to raise mostly-functioning kids despite strange circumstances and even stranger experiences at times, deserve the recognition. Graduating from a school that is willing to spoon-feed and hand-lead students to receiving their diploma is not an accomplishment. But to support and guide someone through this craziness certainly is.

So, on the eve of my high school graduation, I want to thank my parents. My parents, who have done more for me than I could ever name. Thank you.

High School is Dramatic

I am pretty horrible about posting these days. I've just been horribly busy with this nonsense called high school, which is an mix of the biggest-waste-of-time, the mildly-entertaining-but-really-stupid, and the actual-learning-experience. I feel like since I've become a second semester senior the only thing I'm motivated to do is pass.

Dance is also keeping me busy, but part of me doesn't enjoy it as much as I used to. I know taking a break from it isn't necessarily the answer- and I'm totally tied up until after the show. Choreography is exhausting and teaching is less rewarding than everyone makes it out to be. Hopefully at the end of the day everything will look lovely, but until then, it drags.

It's prom season again, the third one for me, and the last. It's fun to listen to who is going to ask who, how, when, where... etc. I'm pretty certain I'm going, and I have an idea for who may ask me as a friend. Not certain about after-prom, since I'm underage and really do not know anyone in my grade. Maybe a movie after prom would be fun. It's not a necessity to get wasted on prom night, after all.   We'll see how that works out. Buying a dress is going to be fun, especially since I plan on going with friends again this year. I've never worn a red dress... hmm!

Sitting around in the library waiting for my rehearsal to start, something occurred to me. High school is an extremely artificial environment, and attending high school in Singapore is a little like existing in a bubble in an aquarium. The things I care about now I know I won't be caring about in the future. I'm tired now, but I know I will be more tired later as a proper adult. Maybe this is what all those fancy psychologists are talking about when they say, "delayed adulthood and extended adolescence". I honestly have no idea why people enjoy being high schoolers, except that everything is basically taken care of. I can only fall so far or rise so high, after all. Everything stays suspended in the air, hanging, waiting to drop.

Also, why the heck don't students here use this library? It's massive, beautiful, and has loads of books. It's right depressing to be from the first generation that really does not read. As we lose the beauty of literature in favour of Buzzfeed and Twitter, we lose a complexity of thought. I hope there are always English majors, even if they can't get jobs, because at least they will know how valuable it is to expand one's mind and read.

I'm Not Mad... Yet

I do not know where to begin with this post, but I know I need to clear my head. Everything seems to be getting busy this week and it's rather tiring. The dance show is a mess and the only part of it that looks decent is the Tea Party (woohoo!) apparently.

Today was a weird day in general. There was a big accident on the PIE, my friend's bus got rear-ended, my dad brought home a heartbreaking story about a family separated thanks to deporting a woman for a non-contagious disease.

I'm exhausted. Senior year is a drain, and aspects of it make me want to cry. High school has not been the worst experience ever (that crown forever goes to Middle School), but there are aspects of it that destroy my faith in humanity every day. The amount I hear about who is dating who, who is wearing what, and who did this or that over the weekend makes me want to pull my hair out. Sometime I feel like a Vulcan surrounded by annoying humans. Live long and prosper...  At least I'm going to Turkey in February, otherwise I don't think I'd have motivation to do much of anything but daydream.

I don't know if I've ever discussed my personality type on here, but I'm an INTP. Apparently it's fairly uncommon for women to be INTP, and it's the direct opposite of the ideal woman (according to some articles on the internet). I'm not sure if this bothers me or not, but I have noticed recently that I think differently than other students around me. The level of emotion, morality and compassion other people use in their arguments flabbergast me on a routine basis. Is there no logic in this world anymore? Does it really matter how organised and cutesy your notes are as long as you learn something from them? Also, what is with small talk. You blab about useless things that you are forgetting as soon as you hear. Can't people talk about more useful things than the weather, if the classroom is cold or not, etc?
ARG!

At the end of the year, I'm not going to be looking back at high school wishing I was still here. I'm ready to move on and talk to people who can think outside the box (that's not just high school, it seems like everyone here has no sense of creativity).

Busy Bee Me

Oops, it's been a while since I've last posted. Sorry about that. I've just been so busy trying to balance school, college, tech, dance and having a life (the last bit is largely imaginary). Senior year of high school is a busy time for everyone- there's more work on our plates than ever before. I'm taking 3 AP classes (though one isn't very hard), Dance Performance (which I love, but is a real time-eater), English and Chinese (another time eater). Thankfully I have 2 free periods this semester to allow me to get my college apps done, or just get a moment to chat with friends and rest.

I know high school is nowhere near as busy as college is going to be, though. I've made  a bunch of decisions in that regard that I'm generally pleased with. I'm pretty certain I'm only looking at US schools at this point, which is a mixed bag. I really liked the UK, but the US gives me more options and opportunities to work for the US government (shocker, I know). At least, that's the theory behind my choice. Maybe I'll go to the UK for my Master's or something, that would be pretty cool.

My dad's birthday was on Tuesday and I made him minion cupcakes.

Almost too cute to eat!

Beginnings of the Last Chapter

Tomorrow is the last first day of high school for me. It's the start of my senior year, my third year at SAS. A huge part of me just wants to head off to university already. However, I'm also really glad to be a senior this year. There are definite perks- wearing the red shirt, prancing around in a senior sweatshirt, and showing off what university I chose in a uni sweatshirt once I get accepted.

Moving to Singapore was the biggest change of my life. As a small-town girl from a New England town, moving to a modern, tropical city was massively different. I don't get in the car when I want to go somewhere- I hop on the MRT or try (and probably fail) to navigate the bus system. Taxis are commonplace here, while virtually unheard of in a town with an old Unitarian Church as its real "centre". There'a British English instead of America, which has slowly seeped into my spelling and phrasings. The heat can't be forgotten, nor the smell that I simply associate with "Asia". Singapore has become a home to me, but not "my home", if you will. 

When I was out with my boyfriend today (who graduated last year), I realised that this blog is going to come to an end some day. I haven't quite decided when that is yet, but I don't have to. However, being "Sent to Singapore" only involves three years of my life. The next blog I write will be about wherever I end up, US or UK. I'll figure this out later, but I hope I keep some of the readers that have followed me throughout this journey.

Well, time to turn the page and write the last chapter.