Rocking the Apathy

I was the cheerleader who quit before the Thanksgiving Day game. I am the girl who probably would forget the school mascot if you didn't tell me it constantly. I don't care what our sports teams do. I don't know who this popular blonde girl is that you've been telling me about for the past ten minutes. I'm not one to dress up in a revealing group costume on Halloween and then wonder why guys stare at my chest rather than my face.

I'm going to graduate at the end of this year in a class of strangers, and a large part of my doesn't care. Even though I could say, "oh, if I had put in more effort, I could have gotten to know more people". And I have, to an extent. But in all honesty the culture of my school is fundamentally clique based. Everyone has their own group of friends, and breaking into a new group is a real accomplishment. I don't know if race matters, but like everything else in Singapore I'm sure it does to a degree. Maybe it's easier if you're white, I wouldn't know. I'm sure it's easier if you like talking about clothes and hookups and what happened last weekend.

If I had stayed in the USA, I would have graduated with kids I grew up with. I would have cared where they wanted to go to college, enjoyed gossip about the latest engagement or whatever else happens in small towns. Though I would still have not really cared about school spirit, I would have wanted to make the school a better place. I would have wanted to leave that small town, but go back during the holidays.

I guess it's weird to be seventeen and in a relationship that has lasted more than a couple of months.  You hear of couples that last years of course, but it seems like the majority fizzle out quite quickly. I hear girls talk about this guy or that guy, and I don't get it. Why would you hook up with random people when you could find someone who actually cares about you?

Of course it's not easy, but for heaven's sake I'm a nerd and I managed to do it! If pretty is as pretty does, then trashy is as trashy does. If you make yourself easy and consider yourself and your body worthless.... of course you're going to be upset with yourself and others will look down on you. It's really not that complicated. Before someone tries to fuss about "slut shaming", that's not what I'm doing here.  Now, if you value yourself as an easy hookup, how can you expect anyone else to view you better than that?